Pictures!

I thought this might give you a better understanding of where I am... The first picture is a picture of the lake that I am staying at, in which I swim several times a week. The second picture is a picture of the New Haven green where I eat my lunch on most days. It has some buildings in the background. Enjoy.

Calloused

I have been working in the office for five straight weeks now and I have probably worked with 35 different clients. This means for the most part that I have heard the stories and situations of that many people and probably about half of these I have met with more than once. Almost everyone has it pretty rough, and are in situations that I would in no way, desire to be in. There are a variety of needs from needing to find a place to stay, work, etc. Most have financial burdens that play a factor some how and there are always some that are worse than others. As I may or may not have already posted, there was one lady who came in and told me she was living with her cousin in a subsidized apartment complex, but legally she was not suppose to be there and she needed a bed for the night and was willing to stay almost anywhere. This meant that she would need to stay in a shelter for anywhere from 1 night (best case scenario) to anywhere to a couple months until she could find a more permanent place to stay. What I didn't fully realize until working here and hearing all of the stories, at least two of the biggest shelters in New Haven are pretty bad. They unfortunately are places where the use of drugs and theft are both common practices. We spent an hour calling about 13 different emergency shelters. Unfortunately we were facing all kind of difficulties, one of them including people going home early for the 4th and being unable to help us with the coming holiday. (For some reason, people don't need emergency shelters on holidays...) I wish I could say that it ended on a happy note and that we were able to locate a shelter with a bed (or cot) open. But truth be told, we had to call it a day and we were supposed to continue the search on monday (as it was a Thursday befor the 4th). I have not seen her since... There are times when I am concerned about her, wondering where she might be sleeping or if she has a roof over her head, but most of the time, I simply don't care. When I say that I don't care, it's not that I don't care about her well-being. It's just that I have begun to realize the professional "distance" that is put in place for us volunteering there and I am trying to process the benefits and downfalls of this separation.

It's hard for me to grasp with the necessity of this distance. But, at the same time, if I worried about everyone that I tried to help, I would not be able to sleep at night. The truth is, I care about the people that I am getting to know and that is one of the reasons I decided to take this job: so that I could get to know people and their stories and hopefully help them in some slight way to get a hold of a better life. But before you think I am some self-righteous person, I don't care enough to do anything extra.

When I first started working here, we met a couple of case workers or social workers who had been doing this for so many years. It seems that a common trend for social workers is that they become so jaded that the clients, in a way, become just cases and situations, and not real people. This clearly isn't the case for all, but from what is an inexperienced perspective, I would say that this is a common trend. I am not just pointing the finger because I see myself in a similar fashion. In fact, after only 5 weeks of working in the office, I feel that i am becoming calloused. I have become so used to hearing stories of poverty and desperation that it doesn't shock me anymore and more importantly, it doesn't impact me that much. Granted, I am able to ask more intelligent questions, (notice I said MORE because who knows if they are intelligent) that deal with the issues more directly, but it is clear that I am almost falling into a rhythm. A example that shows this really clearly is just in the few minutes going to and fro work. I walk about 4 1/2 blocks to get to work from the train station to work and vice versa. For some reason, at least every other day, in those 4 1/2 blocks, people ask me for money, food, or any other handouts. It used to be that I would pause, look them in the eye, say no and that I was sorry and go on. In some instances, I would stop and ask them their situation, explaining that I work for NSP and briefly what it does. Then I would explain to them that I might be able to help them but I wasn't going to give them money, but they should stop by and I would try to help them find a job or place to stay. This is becoming more of a rare case though. I more frequently pass by without giving them the time of day, some times not even looking at them and just saying a quick "no, sorry" as I pass by in order to make the train. It is sad to me that it has been so easy for to become calloused or jaded, or whatever you want to call it. This makes me wonder if this is the common trend...

Questions...

Is it common for people to naturally distance themselves from the hurt and pain from the world even when they are immersed in it? Is this the reason that most people, even most people in the church don't seem to care about those living in poverty?

Do we make a decision (either consciously or subconsciously) to not involve ourselves with the needs of the marginalized because it is too much of a burden on us? Will we ever learn how to change these misaligned structures, if we don't immerse ourselves in them and learn the shortcomings?

Will we ever be the church in its truest sense to give COMPLETELY of ourselves. Can i give everything without it killing me? Is a professional distance necessary? Or is it just an excuse?

If the gospel isn't being brought to the poor with our actions, what are we doing? Who are we reaching?

Anyways, these are just some honest reflections and things that I am pondering. I apologize if it seems a little down or not very insightful, but I think it reflects the necessity to just be honest sometimes. Please feel free to respond, if you so desire.

Thoughts...Irony or Beauty?

So, I have been working at my job for quite some time now. Our office has been one of the busier offices, not to say anything that we are doing right, it's just that we offer a few services that other offices do not offer which allow us to see clients more regularly as they are able to have their mail delivered there, pick up voice messages, use the computer to check if anyone has emailed them about job opportunities, check the weekly job postings sent by a local distributor, and much more. In getting to know some of the clients pretty well, it has been quite encouraging, challenging, and puzzling.

There is one lady who has been coming quite regularly since we got there. I am told that she wasn't a regular in the office until both myself and the other summer director got there towards the middle of June. She has been coming quite regularly... She typically checks her mail, uses the phone, then jumps on the computer for a quick minute or two and then leaves. About a week ago, my fellow site coordinator started working with her directly, something i would have probably overlooked. She started helping her with what she had been doing, which was apply for jobs. As a result of the right circumstances, coincidence, fate, or whatever you want to attribute to it, the client ended up getting a job two days after Christa, my fellow summer director, started working with her. Now, while Christa is good at filling out job applications, and she did help, in no means is the client's success DIRECTLY related to her help. Regardless, this was a huge deal. We had a client or two already obtain jobs before, but for some reason, either because of the client's immediate uplifted spirits or something else, this particular job was a great sign of encouragement. I wish I could say that her life has ever been changed and the world is a better as a result. This just isn't the case, though. It ended up that although she was promised 36 hours a week, the employer hired at least 20 other employees and thereby limiting the client's hours to a 6-16 hours a week. Which, is by all means, a step in the right direction, but no where near sufficiency. If it isn't clear, I had a tough time dealing with that...not because I have a huge personal investment, but because I could feel the disappointment when the client returned the next week to continue to look for jobs.

I believe that this has helped me to process through some of the more difficult thoughts pertaining to my work and involvement...(and i thought i would share some thoughts.) I began to ponder about the lasting effect that I was having with helping people with various services. I first thought of it as if I could help them get back on track, it would ultimately change the course of their lives and bring some restitution to their lives. That I would be making some significant impact. While I still believe that I am having an impact and helping clients who don't know how to do certain things, i am pondering my lasting impact. For example, what happens if I help a client get a job, but a month down the road, they end up getting fired or quit because they are unhappy, or whatever happens. It was at this moment of processing these difficult ideas that it hit me...! It was something that I had heard before and already known, but became even more true to me... I came to REALLY understand that it is so easy to see the financial or physical difficulty of the poor, the homeless with them either struggling to find a place to stay or something to eat or what ever it is. It is easy to understand that, or at least try to. But there is so much more than that. I was completely losing sight of the social aspect of poverty or homelessness or even unemployment. Christa and I were even talking about this with our boss, Jon and not delving too deep, but nonetheless wrestling with this issue. Christa brought up an interesting thought. It was a Psychology experiment in which they tested rats with two different groups. To both groups they would administer pain to the rats, but one group of rats had a way out. They did this several times, one group with a way out and the other without. Then, they changed the set up altogether. They gave all the rats a way out of the pain, similar to the other group. The results were quite clear... The ones who did not originally have a way out of the pain, did not use the way out in the second round of tests and simply endured the pain. WOW! In case I am too wordy and a little confusing, I will connect the dots... I wonder how difficult it is for individuals or groups of people who are faced with poverty or homelessness for sometime without any hope of a sufficient life to come to grasp that there is a way to stand up and fight for what should be everyone's right. This means that what I am doing, or what I hope to do, is not just help clients get jobs or find housing or schooling, or whatnot, but help change the social mindset and structure telling them that there is no way out.


I also had one more thought today as I was sitting in the New Haven Green (which is conveniently located 1/2 block away from my office - it makes for a nice place to eat lunch). The New Haven Green is quite the place. It is nothing special or different from any other green in a city in that it is a few blocks of green grass, trees, park benches, and a place for summer concerts or gathers, etc. I am not too familiar with other cities, but the New Haven Green is particularly beautiful. It is co-located with Yale which has several ancient architecturally designed buildings all around it. This combined with the green trees and fresh air makes for a splendid place to relax and even eat lunch. At the same time, it also happens to be the place where a lot of people who are homeless either sleep or hang out. Everyone should know that it is common poor or homeless people to be ignored. In fact, in my office, there is a board for poetry and art which clients can contribute to. It is really quite inspiring. There are several poems that talk about the perspective of a homeless person and how everyone ignores you. I think it is clear that the homeless today are typically ignored or forgotten for one of many misperceptions. It seems clear to me that society pushes them to the fringes (in most cases, not all). What I find interesting is that it is here, out of all the places in the city, that the lives of the different socio-economic classes cross paths. Perhaps, it is ironic that business men and women come out of their comfortable jobs to enjoy the beautiful scenery just feet away from a homeless person sleeping under a tree. Or perhaps, it could be argued that God's beauty, in nature, permeates and breaks the social and class boundaries no matter how much distance or maybe that is too much of a stretch to say that it is a sign of God's presence in nature in that he brings everyone of different statuses. Either way, I find it absolutely intriguing that both worlds come together in what may seem to be the least likely of places...and hope that you might be able to ponder or contribute to my thoughts.